Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
