i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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