I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
