Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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