Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
