Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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