I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
