every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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