I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
