hell yes lets make some ravioli
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
