I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
