Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
