I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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