you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
