38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
