he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
