Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
