But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
