i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
