I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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