Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
