I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
