OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
