Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
