Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
