kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
