and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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