Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
