i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
