walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
