I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
