It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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