There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
