I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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