She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
