k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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