I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
