I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
