i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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