I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
