If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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