I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
