dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
