I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
