she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
