So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
