I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
