with your own penis?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
