one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
