I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
