i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
